This article first appeared on Crosswalk.com on 2/11/19.
Studies have shown that the giving of gifts can develop and strengthen relationships. Evidence also indicates that gift-giving helps us feel a greater sense of happiness. In fact, neurologists suggest that our brains are wired to derive pleasure from giving.
If all this is true, why then do so many grandparents find gift-giving to be such a source of frustration and contention?
The struggle is real.
Just last week, I listened as once again a grandmother friend shared her pain in feeling that her gifts for her grandchildren paled in comparison to the expensive, extravagant gifts they received from their other grandparents. Her solution? Spend more money!
But is that the answer? A quick internet search showed that the average grandparent spends about $200 per child on holiday gifts. I don’t know about you, but with twelve grandchildren that is certainly out of my reach. Trying to out-do or even keep up with those numbers would certainly put me into gift-giving debt. It would also take every bit of fun right out of something that should bring me joy!
Rather than trying to impress our grandchildren or out-spend the other grandparents by spending money we don’t have, perhaps the answer is to gain a new perspective by clarifying our focus.
Why do we give gifts to our grandchildren, anyway?
We give gifts to show our grandchildren that we love them. Gift-giving expresses our feelings and communicates value. It builds connection and deepens our relationship.
And we do this best when our gifts come from the heart not the wallet. Consider these 10 gifts that you can naturally give:
Gift #1 – The Gift of Intentionality
Want to give your grandchildren a gift from the heart? Give them the gift of intentionality. Instead of simply letting the days happen to you, determine to make a difference for the sake of your grandchildren. Intentionality isn’t something you can buy in a quick over-the-counter exchange, it requires commitment, a plan, and diligent follow-through.
One of the most precious gifts of intentionality you can give to your grandchild is the gift of your presence. Make the effort and schedule a special outing, observe a weekly dinner, or call via Facetime.
However you decide to do it, be all there during your time together. Put away your phone, ask well-thought-out questions, and listen. Listen both for the spoken responses and what is unspoken.
Gift #2 – The Gift of an “I Get To” Attitude
How many of us approach our grandparenting with an “I have to” attitude? “I have to” pick my grandson up from baseball practice. “I have to” watch the grandkids this weekend. “I have to” come up with a gift for my granddaughter’s birthday.
This attitude is certainly no gift for our grandkids!
Grandparenting is a gift to us from God (Proverbs 17:6). Let’s receive it that way, and in turn, offer a beautiful gift to our grandchildren. An “I Get To” attitude is loving, humble, considerate, and relationship-building. It brings joy to both the giver and the recipient.
Gift #3 – The Gift of Unconditional Love
Grandparents can give their grandchildren the very precious gift of unconditional love. Wrap your grandchild in a love that does not fluctuate according to his or her words and actions. Not a fan of tattoos or piercings or “strange” hairstyles? Look beyond it and love your grandkid anyway.
Have a special needs grandchild, one who is defiant, or from an unwanted pregnancy? Offer them the gift of unconditional love by treating them as the image bearer of God that they are.
Rather than holding grudges and trying to “fix” people and situations, unconditional love offers forgiveness, even when unwise choices have been made.
Unconditional love is flexible and does not insist on its own way.
Gift #4 – The Gift of Intentional Talk
Words are powerful, and in the hands of a grandparent, they can become a gift of incomparable value.
Think about it! You have so much to share with your grandkids. One of the ways you can use the gift of intentional talk is to help your grandchild get to know God.
Use your words to give testimony to the goodness and greatness of God, declare His power and His wonders, recount His mighty works, share the glory of His kingdom, and proclaim His attributes. Add to those words, your family God-stories.
Dig into your family history and share how God has worked. Tell your own personal God-story.
Another very important way to give the gift of intentional talk is to use your words to build up your grandchild. Look for ways to speak words of appreciation, affirmation, and sincere praise, and speak them often.
This one gift has the power to add life to your grandchildren while pointing them to Christ.
Gift #5 – The Gift of a Nourished Soul
Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children’s children — Deuteronomy 4:9 ESV
The condition of our soul greatly impacts our “grandparenting.” It is a fact that we cannot give to our grandchildren what we, ourselves, do not have.
One of the greatest gifts a grandparent can give to their grandchildren is a soul that is nourished through time spent with God in Bible reading, prayer, and any of the other spiritual disciplines.
A nourished soul will be filled up to pour out and exude a love for God that is contagious to our grandchildren.
Five precious and valuable gifts that come from our heart and not our wallet. Incomparable gifts that we can give to our grandchildren to demonstrate our love.
Join us next week as we explore five more gifts that grandparents can give their grandchildren.
